I don't know....

Of late it has become a habit of mine....I don't know when did I fall prey to it. But somehow it seems to have afflicted me with an inertia that is getting hard to shake off with every passing moment. Upon much thought (much of which was fraught with the follies to which the human mind, especially males are susceptible too!!) I have decided to call this phenomenon the "I Don't Know Syndrome" (IDKS). To tell you the truth, it felt like a harmless add on initially but with passage of time it has become like the poisoned ivy that clings to you and saps you off all the vital energy. Needless to say I am tremendously concerned by the problem and more importantly by my reaction towards it!

The first symptom of IDKS is that there is a palpable loss of interest in all things material. This does not mean that there is suddenly a higher calling that you want to attend to or that you start treading the path of renunciation!! On the contrary it feels as if every cell that was given the task of generating interest has been killed by an unknown virus. The effect of such an onslaught is so profound that even feigning interest in erstwhile favored topics of conversation becomes a big problem.

The lack of interest sets of a chain of events where each outcome reinforces the premise (that there exists a genuine lack of interest) which you started with and thus reinforces it in the process!! Suddenly you find yourself listless and not willing to do anything. "Time and tide wait for none", so goes the saying and so go the opportunities, which perhaps you should have grasped with both hands, but you don't beacuse you are a slave to IDKS now. It's not as if you dont do anything!! You do everything except implementing what you have thought! You think and think...plan and plan and just sit back and wait for another day to implement what you have thought...It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happens next!!

Now comes the interesting part of blame games!! It is pretty interesting to watch the response of the human mind in such a situation, for somehow we seem to have been programmed to put blame on all things external without ever looking at ourselves or our follies. It's so engrained that we never ever feel the need for introspection!! But the IDKS doesn't even give you the liberty of playing the blame game...It simply creates a muddle in your mind and you are not even able to point fingers at anything external as well. "I don't know" is the refrain whenever you try to sit back and reflect as to where things went wrong.

Why did you not do well in the exam? I Don't Know
What went wrong in the interview? I don't know
Why were you not selected in the team? I don't know
Why did you not prepare for the exam? I don't know
What is bothering you? I don't know
What is wrong with you? I don't know
Do you want to talk about something or just remain quite? I don't know
What have you decided to do about all this? I don't know
Have you changed? I don't know
Where does this end? I don't know
When are you going to take the initiative and prove your detractors wrong? I don't know
..........
and the list continues..... the response the same to all the questions. The inertia is pretty weird, in the sense that you know you are harming yourself yet you just sit back and let it happen.

Why am I writing all this? I don't know...but one thing I do know is that I suffer from this disease and it's high time I get rid of it. If I don't then pretty soon there won't be anything in this world that would be able to hold my interest!!! It is a battle that I am fighting against myself and its me and me alone who can win it.

Why the hell did I tell all this in this blog? I don't know :)